Now that the New Year is over, the year of the Dragon is rushing up like, well, giant reptile with jaws wide open.
In the Rabbit Year I learned that:
1) I get this epic high over two things. Bags and concerts. Don’t ask.
2) I was extremely emotional but yet shut-down when it comes to expressing it to certain people. Why? I guess it was just me, and me.
3) The best rapport I have are with people who are a little quirky and odd. Like me. I don’t judge but let’s just say all my good friends are the ones, which despite their relative oddity, have their shit together.
4) I still feel like I’m waiting for my life to begin. It gives me some anxiety, so I’m doing this thing when I try to focus all my energy and passion on finding a job/purpose.
4) I really can act like a total dude if I put my mind to it.I think I understand men a little better now (which is actually ironic, trust me). I still am by far and large, clueless as hell.
5) I’ve become very much more liberal about certain things, personally. Still won’t do many things due to my morals but yes.
6) Still have the habit of making endless lists which gives a false impression that I’m organized.
7) Still girly but think like a dude now. WHY. I guess I just feel it’s easier to be practical for now. Meh.
8) APPARENTLY I look younger than I really am which is a good thing, but it can also mean I’m extremely childish. Your mileage might vary. I like to think I will never grow old but trust me, I feel my mortality now.
9) Still think that I’m very silly and unprepared for many things ahead. Trying to prepare for the bumpy road. Anxiety is all right though, when you have company (bad as this sounds, but I mean that of understanding friends. see: Huckleberry friends as defined by the song Moon River.)
Althogether life is back on track for most part, and I feel like my heart has settled after overcoming many peaks and throughs (particularly during November, and the last few months of my Honours journey).
I’ve forgiven but not entirely forgotten. I’ve also learned to forgive myself for my mistakes (and sometimes for not listening to my instincts and acting at certain times). At the very least, I’ve gleaned some form of understanding.
As for love or lack thereof, I hope this song explains how hopeless I felt about it at some point(s) in 2011. But I guess we all deserve it, some form of it, and I’m glad I have people around me who love me (not entirely romantically) despite all my folly.
What can I say? I really did feel this way at a point of time. You can choose to disbelieve me, but here I am in all my honesty telling you this is how I felt.
Now with new friends, prospects, dreams and loves (not entirely romantic) in the horizon, I feel I’ve got enough energy to charge ahead and get myself tangled in working life.
Onwards!
